My mother abandoned her four children. My two oldest brothers were in high school, I was fourteen and my youngest brother was eight. My father took over, ill prepared to care for us at all, so I took care of everyone. I did suffer from depression at the time, but I held it together for my young brother.
Remnants of those feelings still fester deep inside. I don’t let them destroy me, but they are there. The feelings creep in like a shadow in the night, they sweep over me, and take my breath from my lips.
I am not the only one who’s associated with this abandonment who’s affected. Even though my children barely know my mother they feel it too. Even though my husband has never abandoned me, I inadvertently put the strain on him to be my rock, my great protector.
When my husband and I went to the Pythian Castle the other night he wandered off, looking around by himself. In doing so I felt abandoned, left to experience this grand place without him. I didn’t tell him about my feelings, because deep down he isn’t responsible for these feelings, I own them, he’s not the cause, and I don’t put that on him. I don’t want my abandonment issues to affect him too.
I was grumbling the other day about my husband being insensitive, and my nineteen year old son asked me if we were getting divorced. I felt like I was going to cry. He doesn’t want to lose my husband (step dad to my son). It’s not going to happen, but it’s evident the fear is there.
Does my mother’s abandonment of her children really flow through to everybody? It flows through me, but do I pass it on to others? Or do they feel a need to have my mother as their grandma, because that would be normal?
I had a lot of fun this weekend! My daughter and her boyfriend were visiting, and it was great to hang out, laugh, and catch up. Friday night we went to the Pythian Castle in Springfield Missouri. Who would have thought there was a castle nestled in the hustle and bustle of the city? One block away there was gas stations, car washes, restaurants, and every other convenience you could imagine.
Here’s some history about the castle…………….
It was once believed that German and Italian prisoners-of-war were held there during World War II But later research found that no German nor Italian prisoners were held in the castle itself, although P.O.W’s were there, they were kept in the army hospital out back of the castle. This bit of information was featured on the Sy Fy channels Haunted Collectors.
The building was listed on the U.S. National Register of Historic Places on October 7, 2009.The listing was announced as the featured listing in the National Park Service‘s weekly list of October 16, 2009.
The Knights of Pythias, a fraternal organization, originally constructed the castle and detached power plant as an orphanage and retirement home for children and widows of members of the order. It was called The Pythian Home of Missouri. It also served as a meeting hall for the order. It served in this capacity until in 1942 during World War II when the United States Military commandeered the facility for use in conjunction with adjacent O’Reilly General Hospital in entertaining and rehabilitating injured U.S. troops. It was renamed The Enlisted Men’s Service Club. The facility featured a movie theater, ballroom, bowling alley, pool hall, library, and arts and crafts area. Some of the most famous movie stars, comedians, and entertainers of the era performed in the theater while the ballroom was host to big bands playing for the dancing pleasure of the troops. After the war the building was retained by the military for use as a reserve center until it was sold as surplus in 1993.
It is now privately owned by Tamara Finocchiaro. Renovations have been completed to the property including a new driveway and parking area. As of August 1, 2010 the castle has been reopened to the public for use as a cultural arts and events facility. It is available for special event rental including weddings, proms and corporate parties and offers public events such as history tours, murder mystery dinners, and holiday events. To add to the castle’s many identities, it is also considered by some to be one of the more haunted places in the Ozarks and was investigated by the television show Ghost Lab in early 2011. Ghost tours offered year round.
Even though it was a ghost tour I was more interested in the history of the building, and we did not see any ghosts..lol.
A selfie in the same room many celebrities entertained, including Frank Sinatra.
And last, but not least my daughter trying to teach me how to take a selfie..lol
We went to a rodeo on Saturday. They were having Youth Championship bull riding, and also little kids riding sheep. I haven’t been to a rodeo since I was a teenager, so it was exciting.
Sunday was spent trying to till out our garden space. The new tiller we bought is a piece of junk, so we will be returning it! We managed only a few rows in three hours, so we quit until next weekend. For a couple hundred more dollars we will buy a much nicer tiller.
I am completely wiped out today, but it was all worth it. I knew I should take it easy, having Multiple Sclerosis I should know my limitations, but I pushed myself, and now I must pay!
Hopefully tomorrow I will be recovered enough to get to work writing on my new book!
My daughter and her boyfriend arrived lastnight. It has been about 6 months since I’ve seen her. As parents of grown children know, these times apart are difficult, but when we are together we have so much fun. I told her about the book I’m writing, and she loves the concept.
Part of me wants my book written quickly, the other part, slow and meticulous. I will take the slow approach. I have been scribbling down my rough ideas as fast as I can in my notebooks, next I refine the writing in another notebook, and if I suddenly get an idea I ditch that one and go back to the first, and start the process again. Once I’m through and satisfied that my idea avalanche has subsided I type the words into my computer. I do some refining, such as overused words, grammatical errors etc. If I feel ambitious I dissect each sentence individually and rewrite each until they flow perfectly. I use the Thesaurus to find better sounding words that suit the sentence more eloquently, and create a somewhat poetic, or more natural flow. After I am done I start working on dialogue, what do I want my characters to convey through their words to add to the narrative, a spice of their own? I am working on characters personality traits. I find it quite challenging to do, but I’m reading all the tips and tricks I can to best differentiate each character into their own individual personality, verbally, not just through narration. If you have tips you would like to share feel free to leave a comment.
I won’t be getting very much writing done the next few days, but I’m going to pick their brains to see if they have anything interesting to add to my storyline. Any work I get accomplished will have to be in the morning while everyone else sleeps.
Spring is in the air. Winter will soon be just a glimmer. With Spring comes wonderful things, and awful things, just as equally. Another few days of tornado weather is in the forecast here in Missouri. The squirrels are digging up nuts they stored for the winter. The birds are happiest after the rain, but they equally enjoy the abundance of bugs to feast on. The mahogany wasps are awakened from their winter nap, and this is where my taste of spring turns sour. This morning I used the bathroom and a mohagany wasp must have crawled into my pants, before I realized what was happening I was stung 3-5 times. Yes, in the crotch area! This is the part of spring I can do without. ..ouch!
In the past I haven’t been real keen on setting goals. Just recently I made it a priority. Every day I MUST create a new one, and see it through to completion. The goal that I’ve made top priority is the writing of my next book. I have successfully accomplished each daily goal I’ve set for the past few weeks, thus far. Since I put writing as a TOP priority other aspects I should have focused on also have fell to the wayside, like housekeeping. My daughter will be coming for a visit in two days. It is time for me to shift my priorities, yet not push writing aside; my creative juices are really flowing. So my goal today, for my writing will be to choose from a set of my characters and write a dialogue. Should be easy enough, right? BTW, am I the only writer with a messy house?
UPDATE: I finished my dialogue. Goal complete. Here’s what I wrote for my book…..
“Newton, please describe what your experience was in your burning home, if you don’t mind?” Fred asked, squirming a bit on the hard, stone bench.
“I knew Mary was upstairs, and there was a wall of flames between us. I had to do whatever I could to save her. First my clothing caught on fire as I rushed up the stairs. I could feel my skin tear away, as if it were melting. I could feel the hair on my head falling off. I had to push forward, I had to save her. I could not breathe, and then I collapsed.”
“The pain must have been horrendous.” Theresa held her mouth in horror as she spoke.
“No, I did not feel my pain, I could only feel Mary’s. I could hear her screaming; that pain was unbearable.” He began to weep. Replaying Mary’s pain was too much for Newton to bear.
“We are okay now, my love, there’s not one physical scar to prove we ever experienced these horrible things.” Mary embraced Newton firmly. “We must put these painful memories aside and cherish the fact that we have been given a second chance.”